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Do you remember the Summer of Love?  How about “free love,” or “make love, not war?”  If you do, you’re probably a baby boomer.  And even more likely that you are dissatisfied with your current sex life, because that’s what a recent poll has shown, today’s middle-aged Americans are less satisfied with their sex lives than any other age group.  Perhaps we should change the slogan to “Make quilts…they’re easier.”
According to the Associated Press-LifeGoesStrong.com poll, only 7% of Americans aged 45-65 described their sex lives as extremely satisfied.  Nearly 25% of this group said they were dissatisfied with their sex lives, compared to 12% of 18- to 29-year-olds, 20% of those 30-44 and 17% of those over 65.  Pretty tough when your parents are more satisfied with their sex lives in their golden years.

Baby boomers, it seems, may feel like they’ve tried all there is to try sexually, as nearly three in five women and half of men in this age group said they have done it all.  28% of men between 45 and 65 said they are sexually dissatisfied, while more than two in five said their sex lives got worse in the last decade.  Further, nearly half of male baby boomers said their partners do not want sex often enough, while only 17% of women felt similarly let down.

But saying that, it is men that are plagued by performance problems.  The poll found two in five men between 45 and 65 having problems with sexual functioning, while only 19% of women in the same age group said the same. For both genders, less than half received treatment.

The AP-LifeGoesStrong.com Poll involved online interviews with 945 people between 45 and 65, as well as companion interviews with an additional 587 people aged 18-44 and over 65.  It was conducted using KnowledgePanel, which uses a probability-based design. Respondents to the survey were first selected randomly for KnowledgePanel using phone or mail survey methods and were later interviewed for this survey online.

Well, all I can say is that maybe changing the world has its drawbacks.  Since the boomer generation has been involved in many of the major cultural changes of the modern age, as well as being at the forefront of experimentation of all types (think hippies, sexual revolution, acceptance of premarital sex, abortion legalization, and coming out), perhaps there isn’t much else left to the imagination.  I’m sure that the 7% of satisfied middle-agers have kept searching–and finding.  But for a large number, they’re a bit spent.

It’s never too late however; so don’t give up on retaining a satisfying sex life just yet boomers.  A gerbil here, a geisha there…get creative, dang it!  It can only get better…or worse.  It’s up to you.  But my guess is that dissatisfaction means it’s still somewhat important to you.  It’s all in the mind, anyway.  Change that and you’re home free.


It’s been a while since I touched on the subject, but a new survey shows that people over 45 are having less SEX, and feeling less satisfied than they were ten years ago. They also happen to be more open to sex outside of marriage…hmmmm. The survey conducted by the AARP was completed by 1,670 Americans, 45 years and older. The results were compared to the same survey given in 1999 and 2004. Ten years ago 41% of respondents said non-marital sex was wrong, while only 22% said so on the new survey. Despite this openness among the middle aged and elderly, as a whole, their sexual activity has decreased by 10% since 2004. Further, five years ago 51% of this set responded that they were satisfied with their sex lives; however, only 43% said so on the new survey. As an interesting twist, unmarried people in relationships had sex more frequently and with more satisfaction than respondents who were married. According to the AARP’s sex and relationship expert, sociologist Pepper Schwartz, “Long-term married couples may get a little less interested. Older people in non-married relations work harder at it and enjoy it more.” As far as gender differences go, no surprises here: Men think about sex and engage it more often than women, and are about twice as likely as women (21 percent versus 11 percent) to admit to sexual activity outside their primary relationship. Men are more than five times as likely as women to say they think of sex at least once a day, and nearly three times as likely to say they engage in self-stimulation at least once a week. But unfortunately, only 12 percent of the survey’s sexually active single males reported using condoms. Tsk, tsk geezers–no glove, no love applies to you, too. The clap shows no age preference. So now you know. Finally, when asked what would improve their sex lives:

  • 20% of the women and 37% of the men said better health
  • 14% of the women and 26% of the men said better personal finances.

Ah, always the struggle between cash and capability. I find these survey results very interesting, and we can speculate in every kind of direction as to what is causing the trend. For instance, Ms. Schwartz, the sociologist evaluating the survey believes that the decrease in sexual activity is due to the recent economic downturn. And judging by the small number of responses to the affirmative (mentioned above), one could make that connection. But perhaps there is more. Maybe the growth of the internet, and the availability of sexually explicit material make it easier for people (men, mostly) to have their urges and desires satisfied. Since I know from the first law of thermodynamics (conservation of energy) that nothing is ever really missing, then sexual energy must also be conserved. Hmmm…people over 45 aren’t having sex with each other, then where are they having sex? Further, with privacy being factored into the equation, it would make sense that men (the gender increasingly more satisfied with their sex lives, compared to women according to Dr. Stacy Tessler Lindau, professor of medicine at the University of Chicago), more than ever before, can engage in sexual activity (albeit with their computers) without the possibility of embarrassment. And according to experts, men are not the only ones consuming online porn. Women also consume pornography, although they increasingly prefer written material. Increased use of online pornography could be at least one factor accounting for this survey’s findings…including the increased liberalism toward non-marital sex. Nothing wrong with that, just a transformation of where and how people are experiencing sex, if my thoughts are correct, that is. If I am right, then we can all rest securely knowing that we are operating within universal laws of conservation. Now that’s something to be satisfied with.

How’d that condom fit? Many men are complaining, “not too well”…and they’re taking them off or shunning them altogether as a result. Hope Trojan Brand is listening.According to a recent survey of 436 men, aged 18 to 67, 45 percent said they’d used a condom that fit poorly the last time they had sex during the previous three months. Doh! And these men were 2.5 times more likely to say their condom broke or slipped compared to those who said their condoms fit well; they were also five times more likely to say they experienced irritation to the penis.

Men who said that condoms fit poorly also complained that the condoms made it difficult for them or their partners to reach orgasm, and they were more likely to remove the condoms and continue having sex without. Double doh!

The study was conducted by The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, on their website, and is published online in February in the journal Sexually Transmitted Infections. Researchers noted that the findings “emphasize the point that men and their female sex partners may benefit from public health efforts designed to promote the improved fit of condoms.”

I see it now, a whole new industry on the horizon: condom haute couture—customized rubbers. Now that’s an idea. They can come in all kinds of fabulous colors and varieties: french ticklers, vibratory stimulators, crab claws, whatever. But if this survey is a good representation of the public, then it would behoove condom companies to listen, as increases in unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases can result from defunct rubbers.

My advice to men is to actually take the time to search for the right condom. Although the local drugstore usually carries the minimum of brands and varieties, specialty stores will have wider selections. Or better yet, here’s a website: www.condomania.com. They’ve got the right glove for every size. Check it out. Taking the time to do it right is important. Put a little work in, fellas…or suffer the consequences.


Oh lord, Nadja Benaissa…you know her, right? Oh you don’t? I never heard of her either, before today. But you’ll hear her name now, because she’s in BIG trouble. The pop singer from the German all-girl band, No Angels, was charged with causing bodily harm for failing to inform sexual partners that she was HIV positive. Doh! No angel, indeed.

Ms. Benaissa, 27, had sex on five occasions between 2000 and 2004 with three people and did not tell them she was infected, even though she had known since 1999, according to the charge sheet.

“She was well aware that any unprotected sexual contact can lead to the virus being passed on,” prosecutors in the German town of Darmstadt near Frankfurt said.

One of the three former partners has been confirmed as being infected with the HIV virus. Hmm…would knowing her status have changed things? Would the former partners have declined? I don’t know, have you seen what see looks like? Man, that’s dangerous.

Either way, if you are infected with HIV, herpes simplex, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, or any other sexually transmittable disease…own up to it. Don’t mess with other peoples’ lives like that. It’s irresponsible and quite frankly, heinous, and one way or another it’ll come back to you. For the smokin’ hot Benaissa, well, you’re gonna have to pay, babe.

She was charged six months later; the story here: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/aug/26/nadja-benaissa-hiv-sentence-germany

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