Okay, now I’ve heard it ALL! Check this out: the American Academy of Pediatrics has issued guidelines stating that children as young as two should be screened for high cholesterol. And even better, get this: they are recommending that children as young as eight should be started on statins. Whoa, ho, ho…hold on, Nellie…isn’t that the sickest thing you’ve ever heard? Our nation’s pediatric association–the professionals taking care of our children–is recommending statins, cholesterol lowering drugs, for our youngsters? I don’t know about you, but I’ve effin’ heard it all now.

Let me get this straight: the American Academy of Pediatrics is recommending that American children should be screened for high cholesterol and given statins to combat any risk of future heart disease, instead of getting their asses up and moving and exercising like normal kids? Holy crapoly!

Now to be fair, I understand where this idiocy stems from; I mean, let’s face it, Americans are blowing up to gargantuan proportions. Recent reports disclose that the number of obese Americans has grown significantly, yet again, over the last two years, making the current numbers 25% of the general population. I spend a great deal of ink on this tragic situation in my book, The Six Keys to Optimal Health, and, yes, it’s a many-faceted problem for the obese adult.

But childhood obesity? Excuse my language, but…that’s effin’ child neglect and abuse by lazy, undisciplined, ignorant parents. There, I’ve said it, and you all know it’s true. Letting your kid drink more than one Coke a week is child abuse. Feeding your kid Frosted Flakes is asinine and inexcusably ignorant or neglectful, or both. Letting your kid sit his or her fat ass in front of the T.V. for hours watching the Kardashians’ fat asses is equally ignorant and neglectful, and is also child abuse. According to a recent Canadian study on childhood obesity, kids who watch television while eating lunch take in 228 more calories than those who ate without the television on. Duh! Wake the eff up, parents! Sitting on your ass all day watching the boob tube and stuffing your face makes you fat. It does the same to your kids who–guess what?–learn from you! Duh!

And another study points out that parenting styles are what have the greatest effect on children’s eating habits. Duh! We need a study to know that? Wake the eff up, parents! Being too permissive in what you let your children eat will eventually lead to obesity. Yes, Junior wants PopTarts. Too bad…you’re getting an apple…now put down that WiiFii and go out and play.

And being too strict isn’t any good, either. You know exactly who I’m talking about, Food Nazis. Let the kid have an ice cream every now and again. Being authoritarian when it comes to food practices can also lead to obesity…the closet kind. I don’t know why Junior is blowing up, he only gets radishes at home. Duh!

According to nutritional experts conducting the study, the best thing parents can do to influence healthy eating habits in their children is to “set a good example with their own diets.” Duh! Both strict and permissive parents typically fail to serve as good dietary role models for their children, according to the researchers.

But here is my biggest beef: What the hell is wrong with the parent who sees their kid blowing up and doesn’t make him run his fat ass around the block every damn day till he gets back in kid shape? But he doesn’t want to…Yeah, no kidding. Get up and run, Engelberg! You mean, you’d rather give your kid statins than make him exercise or send him to military school? WTF?!?! And the American American Academy of Pediatrics recommends this???

According to one idiot doctor: “If we are more aggressive about this in childhood, I think we can have an impact on what happens later in life…and avoid some of these heart attacks and strokes in adulthood, says Dr. Stephen Daniels, of the academy’s nutrition committee. You know, this is what’s so pathetic about our current health system and it’s downright brain-dead paradigm: drugs like statins have been developed for lazy, undisciplined individuals who know better but just can’t get themselves to do what’s right because they have zero willpower. Doctors know this, and many will rightly say, “Patients don’t comply.” Yeah, that’s why they recommend statins and other meds, because they know the average lazy American (or busy, or challenged, or depressed, or underprivileged, or whatever convenient BS excuse is needed to not work hard) won’t do what it takes, so give ‘em the ol’ magic bullet. Kids, however, are under the guidance, and yes, control of their parents. In no way should non-compliance be allowed–not by doctors, not by P.E. teachers, not by parents, nobody. Period!

So now you know how I feel. If you want to eat whatever you want to, at whichever quantity you want, if you don’t want to exercise, if you would rather be obese than do the work to bring it down, I’ll be the first to say, “That’s your choice, killer…do as you please.” But when it comes to your kids, if you are not teaching them the right dietary habits, if you are not acting as proper role models for their health and future well being, if you are not insisting that they go outdoors and play and exercise like normal kids should be doing, and you are thinking about giving them statins, then you are a child abuser plain and simple. Don’t do that to your kid. Shape up!

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