Have I caught your attention? Good. You’re gonna like this post, either for its usefulness or its sheer absurdity. Either way, listen up–there’s something in it for everyone.

First things first, doctors urge the use of erectile dysfunction drugs. According to a clinical practice guideline issued by the American College of Physicians, men with erectile dysfunction should be on oral phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE-5) inhibitor drugs, such as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, unless, of course, they are on nitrate therapy for cardiac conditions.

OK, no surprises there. This news in the face of another study that discloses that “hardness is the way to happiness.” Men have known this forever, but now science confirms it. Here’s the scoop: Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, surveyed men and women from twelve European countries. They found that 95% of respondents believe that a man’s sexual confidence is the essential ingredient for a good sex life. And 84% of men surveyed believe that the most important element of a man’s sexual confidence is his ability to please his partner sexually, while almost three quarters of women questioned agreed. So, guess what? More vi–agra, Olé!!!

The humor lies in the fact that when it comes to erection hardness, Spaniards are the least confident, while Germans are the most. This is in complete contrast to another survey in which women rated German men as the worst lovers, and Spanish men the best. Hmmm…either Spaniards are modest, Germans are dense, or women prefer men who lack confidence in their erections. Let’s see, happy women, unhappy men….yeah, that sounds right.

Anyway gents, dont worry about long-term Viagra use for now. It appears that scientists can’t find any long-term risks at the moment. There are, however, plenty of short term reactions. Dr. Alexander Tsertsvadze, from Ottawa Health Research Institute, Ontario, Canada, and colleagues report that men who took Viagra were 56% more likely than those given a placebo to experience any side effect, like headache, flushing difficulty breathing, and vision problems. The way I see it, most Spanish men would gladly endure flushing and gasping for a few hours of good wood.

But women–Aussie women primarily–beware the British male tourist travelling Down Under (now stop!). According to a recent report, Englishmen backpacking through Australia are speading sexually transmitted diseases like wildfire through risky behavior (unprotected sex with multiple partners). That’s right, “liberal” Aussie girls are foolishly practicing “no glove-love” with British travelers. And, well…you know that’s dumb.

American truckers ain’t doin’ much better. But I’ll spare you the dirty details. Check here if you’re interested.

Finally, in Detroit, one liquor store was busted trading Viagra, liquor and pornography for food stamps. U.S. Agriculture Department officials are pissed. I don’t get why. Don’t they understand it’s the key to happiness? Why, just ask a Spaniard.