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Reality Cannot Be Taught – You Must Seek and Come to Know Yourself

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True SelfReceiving sound advice from a wise soul is invaluable. Who better than a person of experience, who has faced certain turmoil, and has lived through elements of life for which we yearn, to impart on us all that they have learned along the way. Many of us will even pay good money to sit at the table of an old sage to absorb his or her wisdom. But in the end, does it really matter?

Even when in earnest we listen thoughtfully to those we hold in the highest esteem, we never really come to understand a thing until we experience it ourselves. Wisdom imparted makes us reflect and ponder, and it may even have us believing that we are better off for having heard it, but without the personal experience what can we truly know?

Try describing the taste of an apple without saying it tastes like apple. How could you explain it to a toddler other than handing her a slice? And the color red to a person with protanopia – a form of color blindness where the person’s red cones are damaged and thus they see black instead of red – how would you describe it? What about being in love? Try explaining it to a toddler and you will find you can only do so in the most trivial manner – the essence of what you feel can really only be effectively expressed to another who has experienced it as well.

Similarly, nobody can convey to you what it feels like to play the piano…you just have to play one to understand. A wealthy person cannot tell you what it feels like to be rich; he or she can only point you in the direction of the mind set you must have and the actions you must take to increase your chances of amassing great wealth. It will be up to you to actually do what it takes in order to achieve and experience it in totality. And this is true of becoming an athletic champion or a great artist as well. No one can teach you. They can coach you and guide you, but ultimately, you must learn by doing.

This is most true then when it comes to spiritual wisdom. You can spend time with a guru, but the guru can never teach you enlightenment; she can only show you the way to ready yourself and the direction you must walk to get there. The Buddha would say, “Ehipassiko,” or “Go see for yourself.” Take nothing on authority. Seek. Find. And only then will you Know Truth.

Nature of RealityWhy is this? A guru cannot make you into what you already are. All he can do is show you how he himself arrived at his Self-realization. The guru simply encourages you to come along to where he is. Can he tell you what he sees, what he experiences? To some degree he can show you, he can share with you energetically, but words can never fully describe what he experiences. For this you must seek and find for yourself. Ehipassiko.

When the seeker comes to understand that the real guru is within, then there is no longer a need for an outer guru. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And when the student becomes aware that the teacher is, and has always been, the Self, then all external manifestations of the guru merge into one within the seeker/student. All the books one has read, all the instructors one has put trust into, and all the wisdom one has earned on his or her path of spiritual seeking become part of the realization that all was just a remembering of what the Self has always known.

It has been said that spiritual practice is helping to ripen the fruit of the mind and prepare it for awakening. My advice would be to practice the methodical self-awareness of mindfulness, train the mind to attune to the perfect balance of non-duality of the Self, and dedicate time every day to enter into states of pure being and silence to experience the true reality of your existence. This may sound wildly unreachable to one who has not investigated the practices I am suggesting. But I assure you the actions are simple. Contact me if you would love to learn the simplicity of attuning to your Self and bearing the fruits of your labors. If you want to live mentally well-balanced, creatively, and with infinite riches in any area of life which you value, then listen to me and follow my guidance. I cannot move beyond these words and show you exactly what I mean; you will have to do that for yourself. But if you take the time to do as I advise, you will find that eventually you will come to see what I am suggesting – a new dimension of reality which is yours for the taking. But like the Buddha said, “Ehipassiko” – you must go see for yourself.

All Worthwhile Things Take Time: Spiritual Development Ripens the Fruit of The Mind

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When I was a kid, a commercial for Paul Masson wines aired on television nightly; it featured the great Orson Welles reciting in his baritone voice, “Some things can’t be rushed: good music and good wine… Paul Masson wines taste so good because they are made with such care. What Paul Masson himself said nearly a century ago is still true today: We will sell no wine before its time.” Now forget that Paul Masson wines were mass produced like Budweiser, and likely spent little time between production and sales. But what’s important is the message: All worthwhile things take time.

Whether we are talking about the development of a skill, like music or cooking, or the accumulation of great (and stable) wealth, time is one component which cannot be compromised. We have all heard stories of miraculous overnight successes, but what we don’t hear is the background story of thousands of hours of practice. It’s true that one can become a master of their craft within a relatively short period of time – that is, if they increase their daily practice hours to twice of what they would do otherwise. But it is time that makes a great master, and to dedicate oneself in time, one needs discipline.

Discipline is the key to all greatness. It is the foundation by which one is driven to put in the hours of practice, study, or work necessary to master one’s craft. Without discipline, it is impossible to reach mastery in less than half a century. Love of the craft helps for sure, but it is discipline that takes you beyond what the joy of performing brings to the lover of any art. Basketball, dancing, hair styling, photography, and writing all require time. Love is what brings you to the art – discipline is what shapes it.

discipline - Dream Design Los AngelesEvery example I have given thus far has been somewhat evident. Likewise, though, are those who wish to express health, wellness, style and beauty; they must also dedicate time and energy to their endeavors. Make no mistake about it: people who consistently look fashionable and attractive put in the work to achieve them. Even making it onto the cover of a fashion magazine takes years of mental preparation. Nobody is simply “lucky” in how they look. Maintaining a fit, healthy, beautiful body takes hours of sculpting. And healthy physiology requires rock-solid discipline – from overeating, from over-indulging in sugar, from drinking to excess, from smoking and doing drugs. People who practice discipline with regard to their physical bodies get rewarded with feeling good, looking good and all other athletic and sexual amenities which come along with this area of attention.

One thing that always amuses me is the young professional who thinks he will be a millionaire shortly after hanging his shingle. He has not yet learned that it will take hours of knocking on doors, meeting people, hustling, networking, sending referrals to other professionals, giving free talks, buying lunches, and cleaning toilets (yup) before he even begins to work. Of course, there are some who get lucky out the gate and encounter some success early on, but these stories are rare, and they seldom last forever. I had a colleague with whom I went to school. He had a foreign girlfriend who helped him market to students of the same national origin. As it turned out, these students had medical insurance policies from their home countries that covered their care to a tee. The trust and comfort provided by the girlfriend – a compatriot in a distant land – led to the students pouring into this doctor’s office for care. As a result, he made big money rather quickly, and this led him to believe that he had “made it” professionally too. He became arrogant to his friends, bought a house far bigger than he needed, and expanded his business too quickly. After one year, the foreign insurance company changed its covered services (probably due, in part, to my colleague’s billing practices) and shut off. My colleague ultimately lost it all. He simply couldn’t maintain the false growth. We must build up to business and financial growth in time, energy, and capital. Remember: all worthwhile things take time.

discipline - Dream Design West HollywoodParents of grown children know this. How people function as adults is directly related to the time and energy provided to them by their parents. Both mothers and fathers are extremely important to the growth and development of a child. Research shows this; and although children certainly adapt to the absence of one parent, there is no doubt that children do enormously better when both parents are present in body, mind, and spirit. In other words, parents need to be physically present with their children, regularly; they must give the children undivided attention more often than not, and they must show love and appreciation for the blessed honor to do so. Our children require our time and energy, and every parent can attest that along with juggling career and business, physical health, hobbies, and intellectual pursuits, it takes unshakable discipline to give our children the best of us every day. But that is what is required.

discipline - Dream Design West HollywoodFinally, and to me the most important, is the time and energy necessary for spiritual self-development. All other endeavors emanate from this essence of our true selves. Spiritual development is what some call “coming to know the self,” and it is the highest effort in which one can engage. A great challenge, however, is that the path often appears as long and arduous, and it can most certainly be. Very likely, for the average person, spiritual development takes the greatest hours of attention, and to move the shortest distance; yet the rewards are also the biggest. Nothing can be as effectively appreciated as through the lens of the soul, what we might call our authentic self. Hundred of thousands of people try meditation (or prayer, or japa, or psychedelics) and never attain what they aspire to; NOT because it is ineffective, but because they have not yet ripened the mind to allow their spirit to flow. I understand this is an esoteric concept, but to know you have to do…and this requires practice. The yogis liken the mind to unripened fruit. When fruit is in this state, it is not pleasant to eat – it will remain on the tree, hard, sour, and undeveloped. Only when the fruit becomes mature, ripened, will it then fall from the tree and open itself to the sweetness that life has to offer. Your mind, like fruit, will not ripen until its time. This time comes over the course of long, arduous spiritual work.

discipline - Dream Design Beverly HillsAll worthwhile things take time. What you would love to achieve in life will not happen overnight – and you don’t want it to. We all want a long biography, filled with experience, pleasure, pain, and love. This is what we call living. Who you would love to be, how you go about achieving it, as well as what you get to enjoy along the way, all come down to the attention you put into your art(s). But never forget, the greatest aspiration is of self-knowledge or spiritual development. Like fine wine, you will fully appreciate your divine essence when you ripen mentally and spiritually in love and gratitude. I can almost hear it rolling off Mr. Welles tongue: “No mind will align with the divine until its time.” And so it is.

Suicide: In Deference to Free Will

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I’m not afraid of dying. I don’t know how it’ll feel at the moment, but I’m prepared for death because I don’t believe in it. I think it’s just getting out of one car and getting into another.  ~ John Lennon

Robin Williams suicideIt has been several weeks since the world was shocked by the news of Robin Williams’ suicide, and the impact is still reverberating in me and many others, as we have such a hard time understanding why a man of Williams’ stature would take such an extreme measure. Then news this weekend of another public figure’s suicide—this one the hanging death of girl group singer Simone Battle—along with the death of an acquaintance of mine, of which I learned about via Facebook, it brought to light a number of factors I believe are worth discussing.

I was asked to “reach out” to the public regarding the subject of depression following Williams’ death, although I think that the decision to take one’s life goes well beyond that. It might be too easy to transfer our own perceptions on the one making the decision to end one’s life, as if we know or presume we can understand, or relate to, the origins of the psychological battle. And then by using these misperceptions we presume that we can then stop others from making the decision in the future. I think the notion is both false and a dishonoring of the free will of individuals. To assume that a person who makes such a decision is necessarily acting irrationally or irresponsibly is to impose one’s own morals onto another human being. And I think that those who take the most self righteous position regarding suicide have not yet felt the degree of pain and hopelessness that one must feel, to do what is likely the most difficult and counter-instinctive act any living being could carry out.

reincarnationI have heard it said that we all have a death wish at times—that is, the feeling that perhaps it would be better if we were just dead; to end the misery that we all face at one time or another. However, we also all have a life wish—that sense that life is the greatest gift we could ever have bestowed upon us. Both are one-sided illusions. The belief that we are born and we die, while ubiquitous and persistent, has no real truth outside of what happens to our material bodies. Science cannot unequivocally prove it, and spiritual teachers throughout the ages have insisted on it not being so, and they have rather compelling arguments to back up their claims. True, via our material senses, all we can surmise is a singular and solitary life cycle, but I would not bank everything on this idea, simply because our limited minds in their limited consciousness can only perceive one “reality” today. And even if it turns out to be the one reality, who is to say for anyone else whether that person’s life is worth living? We can only take such a moral position if we believe that life is the end-all-be-all, a position usually grounded in some antiquated religious belief or another. From a spiritual standpoint it makes no sense for a number of reasons (which is an article unto itself, so I won’t go into it here), and from a secular standpoint it really makes no sense. Yet that things will be better, easier, or simply ended by death is no less an illusion. From a philosophical standpoint there is no difference between life and death to the true Self. Only the Self alone exists, and it is eternal—all else is illusion.

Okay why my insistence on this philosophical argument? Because, as I see it, the only ones needing to reconcile another’s suicide are the living—those persons who continue their consciousness on the material plane. So for us the question remains: How do we deal with someone’s decision to end life? I believe that we have to look at one’s individual circumstances to understand how and why one might make that decision, and more importantly, how they can actually carry it out, since survival is a hard-wired instinct, making suicide all the more remarkable a decision, and thus likely pushed by some very deep feelings.

extreme emotional painFrom a personal standpoint, I can understand why somebody would feel as if suicide is the only option. I have had the degree of pain that might push a person to take the leap—believe me, like you, I have thought about it. Who hasn’t? Of course, the level of pain, fear and hopelessness will vary from person to person, from life situation to life situation, but as I have said, I have felt a pain that intense. My understanding is that Robin Williams had a history of extreme fluctuations in emotional states, he had some underlying health issues that would scare the bravest of us, and sources have disclosed that he had gargantuan financial troubles, one of which was over $30 million paid in alimony to his ex-wives. It would be so easy and misguided to take the position that even problems of that magnitude could not warrant suicide, but let’s throw in drugs, alcohol, aging, and misperceptions about professional career and future, and I think it’s easier to understand, for me anyway, why checking out seemed like the best option. Again, you’d have to have been in that kind of hopeless state at one time or another to understand the mind which has to process such affairs.

So am I writing this to advocate suicide? No! I neither advocate nor reject suicide. I think it is a personal choice based on many factors, but in the end, I support the right for people to exercise their free will. Yes suicide is an enormous ethical issue, because if we become too lax within society on it there is a heightened risk for foul play (disguised homicides and such). However, I don’t knock Robin William’s decision. On the contrary, I think on a human level we can be grateful for the lessons attached to it, because it is a striking reminder that no matter how much fame, money or success one has, one can only feel fulfillment from the inside. An all too common misperception among us is that “if only” we had more money, or a better career, or a better marriage, or whatever else we fool ourselves into thinking brings perpetual happiness, or peace, or fulfillment, then our lives will be better. This, too, is an illusion. I will admit that my initial reaction to Robin Williams’ suicide was shock that a mega celebrity, an Oscar winner, and clearly a vastly wealthy man would take such an action, as he could not possibly have the mundane problems that the rest of us have. But thank you Mr. Williams for reminding me that we are all just people. It’s the human mind alone that creates the fantasy that there might be “something better.”

grass greener

I do believe, however, that no matter how tough life gets, there is an alternative to suicide, and it lies in being in-tune with one’s dharma. Yes having a purpose—something that drives our existence—is the only way to overcome the harshest of life’s circumstances. Because when driven by purpose, human beings will endure the lowest of lows, the most extreme circumstances that one could undergo. We press forward when the drive on the inside is bigger than the storm on the outside—and this is only possible through divine purpose. Think George Washington, Harriet Tubman, Nelson Mandela and the countless others who have braved extreme life circumstances—I can assure you that each was driven by a purpose greater than him or herself. Saying that, however, I will not discount the potential spiritual dharma of Robin Williams, because who is to say that his destiny was not tied into reminding us all that the grass is NOT necessarily greener in pastures that many of us only fantasize about.

The End...for nowI also believe that our spiritual or philosophical perspectives can divert the call of suicide; not in the moralistic sense that we are committing some crime against God, but that if we can perceive life and death as simply two sides of the same coin—a temporary state of the eternal Self—then we may not be so quick to jump from one side to the other. Because if true, if we really are experiencing a temporary state of consciousness leading us on a path of self-awakening and awareness, then we cannot escape the challenges we must inevitably face for our eventual self-realization, no matter how many lifetimes it will take. Either way, I honor Robin Williams’, Simone Battle’s and every other person’s decision to end this chapter of their existence. It’s free will, something many of us argue for and champion under most circumstances; but when it comes to suicide, our fears and moralistic imprints tend to guide our perceptions, leading us to suffering when somebody commits the act. But for the one who has made the decision to check out…honor his or her right to exercise free will.

Copyright © 2013 Dr. Nick Campos - All Rights Reserved.