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Are you a porn star?  Tired of fearing the STD hand-off from one of your peers?  Well fret no more–the industry has now got doctors to help clear you up and keep it private too.  So says an official from the Free Speech Coalition (FSC), an organization heading up a new medical network to service the porn industry.

The Adult Production Health and Safety Services has been created to replace the now defunct Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation that closed earlier this month.  Known as the AIM clinic, the San Fernando Valley health clinic was a preferred medical provider for many performers in the multibillion-dollar porn industry, providing a discreet environment for frequent HIV and STD tests.

The AIM clinic was forced to close permanently earlier this month following a series of controversies.  After porn actor Derrick Burts was diagnosed HIV-positive there in December, state and local officials said the clinic failed to cooperate with their investigation into other possible infections. Burts said that instead of getting information from the clinic on how to get follow-up care, he was told to avoid media, change his phone number and leave town.  The clinic was also accused of medical privacy violations after patient information appeared on a website in the run-up to its closure.

The FSC, unfortunately, are not in a position to set up an actual clinic to replace AIM, so they’ve done the next best thing–create a network of doctors to take care of adult film actors icognito.  Doesn’t get much better than that.  Within a week, FSC Executive Director Diane Duke said, performers will be provided a list of labs and clinics where they can get testing and have their results fed into the industry database.

For those that don’t know, the heterosexual porn industry attempts to keep close tabs on its actors, to prevent the spread of diseases like gonorrhea, chlamydia or HIV.  Recent HIV outbreaks in the straight porn industry have shocked those inside as well as the outside public–all the more reason to make sure an updated medical database and medical professionals are at hand to keep the industry safe.  The same safeguards are not in place in the gay porn industry.  It is believed that HIV outbreaks in the straight industry are started by infections incurred in crossover actors–that is, males working concurrently in both industries.  If you don’t get it, don’t ask–you never will.

The new database will tell users whether an actor is available to work or not, depending on whether they have any of the sexually transmitted infections the system tracks.  The system makes an exception for HIV-positive gay performers who still work in sex scenes while using condoms.  Further, the group is reaching out to medical providers with education to ensure sex performers aren’t treated with insensitivity and hostility for their work.

Listen, you may not like the porn industry, but safety there is safety for us all.  Porn stars need good medical care like we all do–maybe even more than the average blow…ehem, Joe.  So this is a good thing as far as I’m concerned.  Safe sex should be the norm–in life and in fantasy.  Good job, Free Speech Coalition.

Guess what’s “in” for 2008. Give up?–a fresh bout of syphilis, that’s what. Yup, you heard right. Ol’ Treponema pallidum, that crazy spirochete of yesteryear, is back in fashion, especially in Europe. Whether in London, Amsterdam, Paris or Berlin, if you’re looking for a good heapin’ helpin’ of this bad boy, just have some wild, unprotected sex. It’s there for the taking, baby. Just make sure you’ve got lots of penicillin, cuz this is one infection you’ll not want to ignore.

Syphilis comes in three flavors–primary, secondary, and tertiary. Whatever your speed, syphilis has got the complication for you. Unsightly and painless* chancre your thing? Then you’ll want to try primary syphilis. Don’t worry, you can have it on any location, even on your finger; very becoming, I might say.

Maybe you like to live on the edge. Maybe you’d prefer a full body rash, or white, flaky crust on your head. How about fever, sore throat, malaise, weight loss, headache, meningismus, and enlarged lymph nodes? Then you’ll want to ignore that bout of primary syphilis, and go for the secondary version. Nice. You’ve got balls, man. But not for long…

If you just don’t have the patience for the two more mild forms of the syph, then you’ve absolutely got to try tertiary syphilis. WooBoy! Ain’t nothing like it! Gummas, chronic inflammation, neuropathies, aortic aneurysm, heart failure, blindness, dementia, memory loss, insanity, death–you get it all with this one.

Seems like people are tired of safe sex. I know, I know–boring! So they’re doin’ it without protection. It seems like the biggest adventurers are HIV+ men (but everyone’s doing it–straight, gay, no matter–it’s the thing). According to experts, HIV+ men are seeking each other out on the Internet specifically to have unprotected sex. They figure: Hey, I’ve got the virus, you’ve got the virus–let’s party. I understand the concept. But what they might not count on is syphilis. Seriously, syphilis scares me a hell of a lot more than HIV does. But that’s just me. I’m definitely boring.

Listen, if syphilis or gonorrhea or chlamydia ain’t your thing, then don’t stop using rubbers–it’s simply foolish. I know that it may sound like fun at the time, but just ask anybody who’s ever had any of these infections if the 2.5 minutes was worth it. I’ll bet a million dollars they’ll say, “Hell no!” C’mon, let’s all chant together now: No glove, no love, no glove, no love, no glove, no love…

*thanks Anon.

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